Blocked

I am forcing myself to write from the last two hours.

I started six stories and stopped them all. I can’t feel the words flowing through me tonight. I haven’t written a single blog post since two months. How lazy I can be at times!

I worked on my book in bits and pieces during the last two months. I watched cult movies and read lots of motivational quotes online, but couldn’t motivate myself to pick up the pen and write. I am angry on myself. I want to slap myself so hard that my lazy self wakes up and act on the laid out plan because I do not have much time.

My mind is telling me that I have lots of time to write all the stories I imagine. It is telling me that I am just on the threshold of getting plunged into the golden age of my life, that I can do whatever I desire but stops me the moment I decide to do so. Mind, it can be such a trickster at times!

It is not that the last two months were totally wasted. I spent a lot of time going out, picking up arguments with strangers, observing people, feeling their characters, helping few and ignoring others. Last two months have been a mix of many emotions and now that I am trying to pen down those emotions and incidents, my mind is fooling me by convincing me that it is not worth it. It is telling me that nobody needs to know what I do on daily basis, what kind of people I work with, what kind of people I think about, what kind of people approach me, what kind of people make me happy or angry or irritated or sad.

My mind is telling me that there is no need to continue and finish this article. My thoughts are wandering from past to present to future. I am concentrating hard on writing this article because for the last two months, my mind has been a free bird and it has forgotten its disciplines to imagine, to weave incidents into a gripping story or to share an experience from its vast collection of experiences collected over the years of my aimless existence.

It is telling me to stop bothering about this article and go work on the book because that is the ultimate goal. But, how can I ignore the task at hand and pick up another and then keeping them both incomplete? It is irritating, to listen to the mind’s ranting and its stupid reasoning.

But, whose mind is it?

Mine.

Whose thoughts these are?

Mine.

How can I want and not want to do something at the same time? It is really strange to feel that way.

It is like having two people inside your head, pulling you in opposite directions, eagerly trying to defeat each other in the ever waging war and destroying you in the process. At times, you are drawn towards one and at other times towards the other.

Is it the reason behind behaving differently in similar situations at two different times? Does our irregular behavior depend on which of the two is ruling us at a certain point of time?

Can I choose to be ruled by one always? Will it be worth it to be ruled by one? Wouldn’t then the mind want to know the whereabouts of the other one? Even if I choose to be ruled by one, I must choose to be ruled by the good one. But, how do I make sure who is the good one? It is hard to tell the difference between the two. At any given time, the one who is able to convince us is good, the other one is bad. It is that simple.

Getting convinced is the only reason behind the feeling of regret. If you are not convinced, if you decide to stand apart and let them both fight their war, when you choose not to be affected by any of them, when you are not drawn to either of them, you do not experience any regrets and you are always at peace.

People will still try to convince you about something, if your mind does not. We do everything is life because someone convinces us to and thereby, it becomes our nature to be convinced by something or the other because an unconvinced mind is a dangerous organ which can prove to be much more harmful than the appendix.

We let others control us because we do not understand how to control ourselves. We do the same to others because they do not know how to control themselves.

Is it that hard to learn? Is it difficult to understand how to control our thoughts, how to understand that it is yet another trick to convince us to do something we might never have done otherwise?

Try to understand this; try to take control of things around you, inside you. Try controlling your breathing and you will feel your entire body responding to you. Change is difficult, yet it is the only constant among all the variables of the universe. The moment you force yourself to not breathe, your mind will force you to breathe more than ever. The moment you try not to see in a certain direction, you will feel a strong urge to do exactly the opposite. That is the moment where you can take charge of things, where you can tell your mind to shut up and mind its own business. That is the moment of truth for all of us. It comes daily and every day we fail. But, try we must, for once, to not let our mind block our true self and to block the mind itself.

I am forcing myself to write from the last two hours.

I started six stories and stopped them all. I can’t feel the words flowing through me tonight. I haven’t written a single blog post since two months. How lazy I can be at times!

I worked on my book in bits and pieces during the last two months. I watched cult movies and read lots of motivational quotes online, but couldn’t motivate myself to pick up the pen and write. I am angry on myself. I want to slap myself so hard that my lazy self wakes up and act on the laid out plan because I do not have much time.

My mind is telling me that I have lots of time to write all the stories I imagine. It is telling me that I am just on the threshold of getting plunged into the golden age of my life, that I can do whatever I desire but stops me the moment I decide to do so. Mind, it can be such a trickster at times!

It is not that the last two months were totally wasted. I spent a lot of time going out, picking up arguments with strangers, observing people, feeling their characters, helping few and ignoring others. Last two months have been a mix of many emotions and now that I am trying to pen down those emotions and incidents, my mind is fooling me by convincing me that it is not worth it. It is telling me that nobody needs to know what I do on daily basis, what kind of people I work with, what kind of people I think about, what kind of people approach me, what kind of people make me happy or angry or irritated or sad.

My mind is telling me that there is no need to continue and finish this article. My thoughts are wandering from past to present to future. I am concentrating hard on writing this article because for the last two months, my mind has been a free bird and it has forgotten its disciplines to imagine, to weave incidents into a gripping story or to share an experience from its vast collection of experiences collected over the years of my aimless existence.

It is telling me to stop bothering about this article and go work on the book because that is the ultimate goal. But, how can I ignore the task at hand and pick up another and then keeping them both incomplete? It is irritating, to listen to the mind’s ranting and its stupid reasoning.

But, whose mind is it?

Mine.

Whose thoughts these are?

Mine.

How can I want and not want to do something at the same time? It is really strange to feel that way.

It is like having two people inside your head, pulling you in opposite directions, eagerly trying to defeat each other in the ever waging war and destroying you in the process. At times, you are drawn towards one and at other times towards the other.

Is it the reason behind behaving differently in similar situations at two different times? Does our irregular behavior depend on which of the two is ruling us at a certain point of time?

Can I choose to be ruled by one always? Will it be worth it to be ruled by one? Wouldn’t then the mind want to know the whereabouts of the other one? Even if I choose to be ruled by one, I must choose to be ruled by the good one. But, how do I make sure who is the good one? It is hard to tell the difference between the two. At any given time, the one who is able to convince us is good, the other one is bad. It is that simple.

Getting convinced is the only reason behind the feeling of regret. If you are not convinced, if you decide to stand apart and let them both fight their war, when you choose not to be affected by any of them, when you are not drawn to either of them, you do not experience any regrets and you are always at peace.

People will still try to convince you about something, if your mind does not. We do everything is life because someone convinces us to and thereby, it becomes our nature to be convinced by something or the other because an unconvinced mind is a dangerous organ which can prove to be much more harmful than the appendix.

We let others control us because we do not understand how to control ourselves. We do the same to others because they do not know how to control themselves.

Is it that hard to learn? Is it difficult to understand how to control our thoughts, how to understand that it is yet another trick to convince us to do something we might never have done otherwise?

Try to understand this; try to take control of things around you, inside you. Try controlling your breathing and you will feel your entire body responding to you. Change is difficult, yet it is the only constant among all the variables of the universe. The moment you force yourself to not breathe, your mind will force you to breathe more than ever. The moment you try not to see in a certain direction, you will feel a strong urge to do exactly the opposite. That is the moment where you can take charge of things, where you can tell your mind to shut up and mind its own business. That is the moment of truth for all of us. It comes daily and every day we fail. But, try we must, for once, to not let our mind block our true self and to block the mind itself.

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