Weirdness

I woke up at 5:15 pm, began writing this post at 5:40 pm. I thought very seriously for twenty five minutes whether or not to write this post? Will it make any sense to the reader? Will it successfully carry the message that I want to share or not? I was confused in all this and popping in pop-corns into my mouth one after the other, I eat more when I am depressed, I realized that I need to write this post because this is my portal. Before I think about my gracious readers, I have to think about what inspires me to write so off beat articles which have always brought me more nuisance from my readers than the calmness I was expecting when I started this portal.

It has been a boring day so far. I woke up at 10, had a chat till mid-noon, went into a depressing mood because of my ever present loneliness, had a chat again till 3 which ended abruptly. I was confused between cleaning the apartment or going for a movie and I slept as a result of the indecisive  irritation. It was then, when the weirdness took over me. I saw a dream.

I have never understood why we can’t see ourselves as a different person in a dream? Is it because our conscious and sub-conscious minds are inter-linked and a distinction is not possible, not even in a dream? Is it because dreams are our personal messengers which help us carving out meanings about the people and incident in our real life? ‘The real life’ is another term that contradicts with my thought process. What should be termed as ‘Real Life’? Our lives, as we live through them, appear as real as Sun or the Moon but once we decide to make a stopover in the journey and take a look back, all of it appears as a dream. It appears distant, once again I have to cite the similar example, as the Sun or the Moon. What are we living then? Real life? Dream Life? A dreamy reality? Or a real dream?

Dream! Coming back to the dream that I had while I slept in utter confusion of deciding over doing things which required me to be awake. It was a weird dream. It scared me at first, which resulted in my decision of acting cowardly, which resulted in overcoming my obstacles and realizing that the one whom I considered an enemy was actually a friend and vice-versa. I saw myself in a shop, with a black Doberman tied at its entrance, my slippers were in the possession of the dog and a strange creature was strolling just outside the shop. The creature was black, it looked like an ape but it was too small to be an ape, it looked like a spider but it was too big to be a spider either and that is exactly what scared me first of all. I felt my heartbeat rising every second. I decided to get my slippers and run away from the shop. As I tried to get hold of my slippers, the dog growled at me. I stepped back and the back of my head touched a thread. I wondered what was the need of a thread hanging from the roof in the shop, I picked the thread and looked upwards to see where it was tied. To my great surprise, I saw my tinier self, dressed in red & blue, climbing up the thread. I kept looking at myself for a while, what was I trying to do? Why was I climbing up the thread? What would I do when I would hit the fast approaching dead-end? Why was I acting so nonsense? All these and some other questions cropped up into my mind when all of a sudden, the weird black creature ran past the dog and headed straight towards me. On seeing the creature approaching, a chill of death passed through me and I hopelessly tried to climb up the thread. The thread was obviously very weak to support my larger self, so it broke off. I saw my tinier self falling down on the floor and a few drops of blood shot out of his head. He died. I turned around to see the creature who had hit my leg when I jumped up in the air trying to climb the thread, resulting in its breakage and murdering my tinier self. The creature was losing its size and decreased itself into a mere spider. I was relieved that it was a spider after all. I stepped onto it. I was sure the spider was dead as soon as I heard the click sound under my naked foot. A sudden sense of fearlessness took me straight towards the dog, seeing me approaching, the dog sat down at the ground and began licking its legs. I took my slippers, untied the dog and left the shop. The dog ran into the opposite direction but it didn’t matter anymore. Before I could make any sense out of this dream, I woke up.

I checked my mobile, no calls, no texts, no chat messages as well. I remembered that the last call ended abruptly and not many people call me up these days. I made myself a bowl of ‘ACT II’ popcorns when the thought of writing this post struck me.

I sat in front of my laptop to write the post but I had to have the dream’s analysis ready. It hit me at 5:38 pm. The dog was a friend who was trying to protect me from that weird creature. It was feeling helpless as he was tied up or else he would have killed the creature long before. The thread was my lifeline and my tinier self was my conscious mind which is living through my life all the time because we, as humans, do not let our sub-conscious rule our minds. We always deny what naturally comes to us and keep working hopelessly to obtain the impossible.  We find our own self barring our way at times which stops us from living naturally. What we need is to live sub-consciously because the sub-conscious is singularity. The sub-conscious acts as a central server, an information cloud, a hub of advices, experiences, intuitions and instincts. We do not possess two minds. We possess just one. The other is sub-conscious and it is available for everybody. It exists all around us and starts instructing us at the time of need but we ignore it. We ignore it because we do not recognize its voice, we have never listened to it, we have always tried to silence it, and we have done so, successfully.

Today’s dream has taught me a lesson. It has taught me that I have to listen to sub-conscious more than I listen to my consciousness. I have to stop climbing up the thread which will take me to a dead-end eventually. I have to develop a far-sighted attitude and change my present in order to change my future when it arrives. I have to recognize between friends and foes. I have to distance myself from friends at times, I have to live alone so I can find what is it that I want to do, rather than what my friends or those who love me, want me to do. I have to face my problems alone and I have to kick them out of my life before they turn themselves into a scary creature and begin haunting me day and night.

It has been a weird day but it depends on me whether to make it more weird or more beautiful by learning from my dream, by following my intuitions and living on my own. I am rare, no theory exists for me. I just need to visit the bathroom right now, because that’s where my mirror is. I need to look at myself and see if I feel happy about it. All theories are average but I am exceptional. I have to drop out of the theories. I have to leave theories for professors. I am happy alone because I am in the company of someone so beautiful which doesn’t exist for the world. When I will be lonely enough, that feeling will carve a physical appearance out of itself and stay with me for a couple of days. It is good, for both of us, for me and my feeling to stay away from each other at the moment, that ways, we both are learning a lot.

We need to get established in our own being, grounded, so settled that nobody can disturb us. Once me and my feeling are together, we will open the windows and let the wind blow, and we will enjoy it. There will be no weird creature, no tied up dog, no thread, no consciousness, that day a dream will end or who knows, it might begin.

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