Absence

I cannot deal with absence. No one can. Anyone who admits that he can deal with absence is a liar and anyone who has to lie, can do so only in the absence of truth. Both truth and lie cannot co-exist. Darkness prevails in the absence of light and vice-versa. Hate exists in the absence of love, silence exists in the absence of sound, no exists in the absence of yes, life exists in the absence of death. Presence and absence make a wonderful couple, like the ‘made for each other’ ones. For someone to be present, someone else has to  be absent. That is what I call the law of presence, or should I call it the law of absence?

Two sides of the same coin, presence and absence. Presence fills us with happiness, absence saddens us. A soldier comes back home from war, his presence at home is loved, everyone around him is happy, feast is going on, he is trying to make up for his absence, he is not a soldier anymore, he is at war with no one, he is a common man who knows his presence is important for his family, but deep inside his heart, he misses the battlefield. One of his forms is his presence and the other is absence.

I always wanted to have a guitar of my own. I bought one earlier this year. A years old dream was fulfilled. My guitar makes me understand the law of presence or the law of presence. I am still not sure what to call it. My guitar stays hanged on my bedroom’s wall all the time. Its presence on my wall keeps reminding me that its us who have to decide anything’s presence or absence in our lives. We make sub-conscious choices about both the aspects. But, sometimes we act really selfish. Today, while lying on my bed, in someone’s absence, I was looking at my guitar, my beautiful black guitar with a brown neck and I realized that my guitar is also feeling the absence of something all the time it stays hanged on the wall. So I took it off and touched the strings with my thumb.

There it was, the presence of music notes, of all sorts and vibrations, to make us feel better, to make us bear with someone’s absence. I figured out that  it is necessary for the absence to reveal itself so we could do something about to bring back the presence of what is absent.

I don’t know how to play guitar, not yet. I have promised myself several times to join the guitar classes but something or other restrains me from doing so. But, today I learnt that the music is always present in the strings of guitar, all I need is to master the fingerboard. The music which already existed in the guitar was present at the time my fingers hit the strings and it was again absent when the strings stopped vibrating. In the same manner, the existence of someone in your life cannot be questioned just because they are absent momentarily. Existence is an entirely different from presence and absence. Existence always is. Even God is present as an absence, though his existence will always remain in question, at least for me.

I need to learn to enjoy absence. I shall not fight with it. Because once the period of absence is over, I will be overwhelmed with the presence. Fighting with absence will only increase my inability to deal with it, seconds will become minutes and minutes will become hours. I cannot cut absence with a sword and cut it half, I cannot scare it off with a stick, I can only sit in silence and wait for the presence. In presence, I feel happy, in absence, I feel sad, how is it going to work? I know what I am searching for, I know what is absent. I cannot force the presence of anything or anyone. It will all happen in its due course. If I am feeling someone’s absence, someone might be feeling my absence as well, law of equilibrium.

I am just wasting my time. This is going to be my worst blog post till date. I’ll write worse, but till date this will be the worst. Absence is an experience. It cannot be described. Know it and you will know. Live it. There is not way to understand or explain it. I am told to wait, what else can I do other than waiting? Since the time I was a child, I am told to wait. I should not stamp my feet, I should not make noises, I should remain silent so that no one knows. I shall remain absent in someone’s absence, I shall cease to be present. I need to learn the trick to deal with absence. I should not let absence unsettle me, rather I should do something so crazy that it unsettles the absence.

To me, the presence of absence is the absence of presence, so is for everyone else. Negativity comes to everybody, it is only after negativity that the positivity arises. To some people, positivity comes first, then negativity follows, but everyone who is alive has to pass through both the phases, like day and night. So in this absence, I should be hopeful of a presence which might happen at any point of time now, because as per the law of absence, yes I have finally figured it out, someone is hating my absence and is unable to deal with it.

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