Mother

Psychologists say that search for God is nothing but the search for the womb, and they are on the right track because in the womb, the child is utterly restful, absolutely relaxed. There is no tension, no worry, no responsibility, the child is one with the mother, the mother is the Universe for the child. Even before the demand arises, supply is there for the child. Economic laws of demand and supply do not exist for a mother. In the womb, the supply is made before one demands, so everything is so utterly tranquil and at peace. A child experiences this for nine months. Those nine months are an eternity for the child because the child has no time concept. They are nine months for us who are outside, but for the child it is long, an eternity, as if it is forever and forever the child has lived in that peace, in that home.

Being a mother is no less than art, an achievement. A woman must create that quality, that creativity in herself, that joy, that celebration, and then invite the child to be part of that celebration. If a mother has a celebration, a joy, only then she can give it to her child as well and that child will not be pathological being. Every girl, a healthy girl, is able to become pregnant, but just because one can conceive, doesn’t mean one has to have a child. Just think about many other things, one has to give a psychological womb, a spiritual womb to the child. Is it ready? If a woman thinks its ready, only then she should go ahead and have a child.

I wrote once “When a child is born, a mother is born too.” For a woman its almost a new birth. The mother gives birth to the child and the child gives birth to the mother. It is something very difficult for a man to understand unless he is creative. If a man has given birth to a painting, a poetry, then just a little glimpse can happen to him. When a poet gives birth to a poem, he feels tremendously happy. Nobody else can understand what has happened just by composing a poem, but it is not just a poem, much was in turmoil within him, and the poem has settled many things. He has given birth to something, he has created.

Still, it is nothing compared to a woman when she becomes a mother. A poem is a poem. The moment it is born, it is already dead. When it is inside the poet, the poem has life. The moment it is expressed, it is like a dead piece of furniture. You can hang it on the wall. You can throw it on the rubbish heap because it is no more alive. When a woman gives birth to a child, it is life. When she looks into the eyes of the child, she looks into her own being. When the child starts growing, she grows with the child.

A father likes to dominate the children. He wants to make them like him. He becomes dictatorial. A mother likes to give freedom to her children. She will not impose herself upon them. She will always be a help in need, but her deepest desire and her prayer will be that they should become themselves. She will not be ambitious through them, a father is always, a mother never. She loves the child just for being what he or she is. There are no expectations.  She is not going to fulfill any ambition through the child. In fact, a mother is not ambitious at all, that is a male aggression, doing something, proving oneself.

In India we have a saying that if you really love a woman, eventually she becomes your mother. Only then love is fulfilled. Each husband becomes a child, each woman a mother. That is the culmination and that is where man and woman depart.

A child is born and goes away from the mother; they separate. Then the child returns and becomes a child again, has a second childhood, and finds the woman again turning into a mother. Each woman has to complete her circle by becoming a mother, and each man has to complete his circle by becoming a child. When the circle is complete, love is fulfilled. Even a small girl is motherly. She starts playing with dolls, plays house and things like that. She is already a mother, a miniature. If you cannot become a child again, you will not be able to love your own child.

A child is born, grown up and one day the child has to be separated. A mother never wants it to happen. It is always a problem. One day or the other, every mother has to face it. This is a natural process. Hard for the mother and for the child as well because the child doesn’t want to hurt the mother in any way but one has to go away. It is just as if a seed falls under a big tree, it will not be able to grow. The seed has to go far away. Every tree finds a way to send its seeds far away, so that they can find a ground of their own and be independent. Every mother should simply let her child go. It will be difficult, hard. Cry, weep but let the child go. If a mother allows the child to let go, the child will never go so far away because when a mother allows, the whole point of fight is not there. When a mother fights, the fight arises. This is part of being a mother and a mother is expected to be wiser than the child, has to be.

The mother is the first love; and through the mother we start loving the world. Through the mother we start being capable of love, and whenever we love someone, our mother’s love will be present there. If a child cannot love the mother very deeply then he cannot love anyone, any woman, because all women are representatives of the mother, reflections of her.

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